Incredible sex is incredibly intimate. It's an energetic connection between you and your partner that surpasses a purely physical experience. Often times we focus on the mechanics of sex - techniques, positions, toys- that we miss out on the beauty of a meaningful exchange between two people. Here are 3 ways to add more intimacy to your sex life.
TIP 1: Take orgasm off the table.
I can hear you saying, "but Dawn...isn't the whole point of having sex is to experience an incredible, juicy orgasm?" Well, not quite. When you remove orgasm as the end-goal of sex, you also lessen the pressure to perform. I can't tell you how many messages I get from women who are anxious about whether or not they will have an orgasm during sex with their partners. So much so that they miss out on a wonderful connection because they are sooo caught up in their heads. And don't think for a minute that men don't suffer from performance anxiety. They do. A lot of men measure their self-worth by how well they perform (or don't) in the bedroom.
Try this: Agree to take orgasm off the table. Doing so gives you both the space to be present and enjoy the pleasure of being together. Want to make it even hotter? Try edging. Take turns bringing each other close to climax then slowing down right before the point of no return. You will have to pay incredibly close attention to your partner and they will have to do the same for you. And we all know what you focus on grows...pun intended.
TIP 2: Soul gazing
Eyes are absolutely the windows to the soul. It's amazing how many of us shy away from eye contact, especially during sex. But why is that? Fear of vulnerability. Gazing into your lover's eyes opens you up, allowing yourself to truly be seen. It’s an intimate experience.
Here’s how: Sit on your bed facing your partner and gaze into each other's eyes. Start with 5 minutes and increase the duration as you grow more comfortable. No talking allowed, just looking. At first, you both may be somewhat shy but that will soon fade away. What you’ll notice once you both relax, you’ll begin to see each other in a deeper, more meaningful way.
TIP 3: Slow down and say please
While intensely passionate sex has its place, there is something to be said for slowing down. In so many other areas of our lives, we rush but sex shouldn't be one of those times. The act of slowing down adds a weightiness, a sense of intimacy to lovemaking. It's about being instead of doing.
Here’s how: Create a pocket of time where you can make love without any interference or to-do lists looming in the background. When you're ready to move on from soul gazing, notice what is drawing your attention. Is it your partner's lips, their shoulder, neck? Whatever is calling to you, ask for permission to touch them there. If their body part is covered by clothing, ask if you can remove it. Want to turn it up a notch? Kiss every area that you expose. Remember, slow, deliberate attention furthers the feelings of intimacy. Plus, it's sexy as hell.
Are you ready to invite more sensuality and pleasure into your life? Download a copy of my workbook, Awaken Your Sensuality!
Love + Light,